when words speak louder than actions.

Cant believe that she felt the same way I did. I thought it was just me at first. this evening she told me that she was hurt too. was gutted. Unbelievable. after 2 years. I cursed myself for not telling anyone, especially her. maybe it was me she was secretive and was very afraid to open up.

she wouldnt read this. I know. but Im sorry. so very sorry.

dont walk behind me. I wont lead you

dont walk me in front of me. I wont follow you.

just walk beside me and be my friend..

missmissmiss list...

 *please put up with me*

malaysia. terengganu. besut. rumah itu yang bestttt. miss miss ummi and abah. and all. miss my bed. bobbob. TV. nasi dagang *slrpppp*. lontong. laksa penang. keropok lekor. pantai2 bestttt. miss sunshine. miss being sweaty. miss dia. miss my couch. miss stay up sme2 with famili. miss the fishy2. and Bik2. and the bbq nite. miss ummi masak sgt sgt. mcdonald. secret recipe. satay sedapnye. rindu jugak biskut Rocky. miss pantai lg. miss CBU200. miss hanging out at grandma's place. miss sue. miss ronda2 wktu senja dgn mereka. miss gelak2 dgn mereka. miss kacau Bubba. miss Bubba. and Bubba. and Bubba :( ikan 3 rase ummi. ikan stim ummi. rindu semua2.

miss UCSI jugak. 330. miss cheok ee and her maggi mee. miss TV tngkt 3. tangga tgkt 3-4. miss eating out with friends. Barkath. classroom B101. memories. kari Blok A. Mr Tan. Ms Ding. Ms Adeline. Mr Tai. Missssssss sgt JPA 1,3. and JPA 2 also. miss cheok ee again :) and my duvet.

miss Bubba again.

I'd like to scream out the truth...

Can I?

I'm messing things up. I did things I know I shouldn't do. I let others hurt. I let myself becoming an opportunist. and yeah, I told lies. I wasn't being honest about my own feeling.

Being a grown up is difficult. You're following the fiendish plots and everyday waking up to lots arduous tasks. You tell the problems to eff off and leave you alone, but they keep lurking behind you and suddenly coming with ta-da.

Tell you what, I shud've listened to her :"Don't talk to a Stranger Danger" she said.

I should be telling myself now to stop getting any further to the Stranger Danger (and buying myself an iPod so I can concentrate well on revising my notes. Seriously, funny huh?!)

Heyya Stranger Danger, I don't know you well enough. and I'm not wishing to knowing you AGAIN, so please you're really pissing me off. Go away and leave my soul alone!

and for heaven's sake, I need to revise! (seriously what am I doing here)

ini adalah meja(ntah!)

glasgow express..

Okayh, I know I should post this earlier. did promise to record the journal. didnt I? Life's getting too blurry to be real. like getting on an express train, looking out the window when you see everything passing indistinctly. and I did try the really capture the moment and the feeling at that very time, but it was like trying to hold water in yr cupped hands, and it kept on tickling away.

Hah, now I got my breather, I finally come to my real sense.

So, Glasgow is how I imagine it would be. Its old, ancient, historical, cold, windy and freezing. the pavement is blacken by its very old age I guess. and there are bloody lots of old epic cathedrals and walls. The local are very warm and friendly. they do greet almost each and everyone on the street. Seriously, you coudnt find this scenario back home in malaysia. they have this habit of greeting people and doing it as their hearts is really in it.

As in dental course, luckily its still tolerable although most of the weekdays it would get me frazzled. we're having class 9 to 5 almost everyday. Most of seniors go on blah-blah about how hectic and tiring our lives would be once we finished 1st year and they do advice us on enjoying the 'fun' 1st year before it flies away. There're 92 students in my class, only 5 are international. most of them are high school leavers, so deff we are kinda the 'matured students' to boot.

onto food, from 1st day on arrival, we just got stuck to eating rice due to lots of iftar invitations from malaysians here. Im still missing malaysia food anyway, most of the times.

the long and the short of this is that I'd been having such busy busy week before this settling down. lot more to come I believe.

I'll upload the pics real soon.

Gotta go now, got a surprise party to hold out :DDD

Loves and salam from
Denistoun, Glasgow xx

don't blame the curiosity...

seriously, if I kept on my habit hunching over the laptop the surf the net, I'll be close enough to being Ms Hunchback at the end of the day..*stretching* Can't help that, my bed is the only place where the line is at least faster than slow.

Life swings like a pendulum backward and forward;
between pain and boredom.the cake I baked which I wrote about days ago :)
cantik tak?!

bestnye bermalas-malasan..

my blog, poor thing you are...

I hope I've done at least one or two clever things this holiday, in addition to hibernating and cultivating *damn* fat. Best part of all was having a very calm and quiet holiday to propitiate an
angry waiting soul (the result). and it turned to be what I expected, even better..=DDD

If I'm not taking the visa stuff into account, I'd still be dancing on the street- so happy finally I got accepted at Glasgow Dental School.

I read dozens of book lately (and seriously I dumped the sick romance book for now)
I'm still reading Atonement. ooopss, I'm still reading Atonement when I'm eighty.

50 Ways to Find a Lover by Lucy-Anne Holmes, very amusing book, you'll laugh and cry reading this. Best book so far, you can't find many books when chick-lit meets the bitchiness. Nothing serious about the tips tho, but the book was great.

Double thumb-ups to Northern Star.

Harry Potter 6th movie is so-so. Not very reflective.

Yeah folks! I seriously did something clever indeed. I baked and cooked. and the most recipe which can receive the big-like-storm clap claps and standing ovation is my Blueberry Cheese Cake. It was perfect without too much powder, just enough cream cheese and eggs. and importantly, so very delicious.. mmmmmmm~~~

I did only a little on the net recently. not avoiding but I just love the quiet holiday (and a bit of avoiding maybe) Yet then I believe I'll think of him lesser and lesser and eventually it'll be just whats-his-name..
part ni mmg susah nak faham

My post after this one I hope will be on the details and account on my journey to Scotland.
Alhamdulillah. (and the best is yet to come)

Last but deff not least, selamat menyambut ramadhan kareem...

***gonna upload the pics later.

I don't give you a damn!

They say :
Ada ubi ada batas.
ada hari boleh balas.

which I couldn't agree more. nowadays.

*sigh*

lots of ignorant people think that good days will forever be with them. so, they never turn around or stop and think to consider themselves to helping people around them.

they want the world to go around under their bloody finger. wanting us to nod and follow on whatever they commanded.

they go on foolishly and unwisely. with lack of intelligence and judgement.

Do not ask how I know. Most of 18 wonderful years, I rubbed shoulders with this 'not so pleasant' person.

God! How I wish we wudn't cross the same path again...*suffocating*